Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I didn't ask for EVAN

Lunchtime Wednesday… halfway through my first week at my new job.

I have a very lonely office. It’s the biggest office I have ever had, but it is lonely. Besides the Herman Miller chair I sit in at the moment, my office has 4 “visitor” chairs. I have not yet had a visitor. There are a lot of small holes in the wall where the previous occupant had items mounted. He either had a very extensive collection of ego photos, or perhaps he used his down time to conduct seminars on rock climbing techniques.

The facilities manager said they would patch the holes and paint the office during the night sometime next week. I was told they have to paint it eggshell color, but I am hoping to slip him ten bucks and see if they will go with a different color that will complement the black light and associated posters I am bringing in.

This place is huge. The footprint is about 12 feet by 16 feet, but the ceiling is 12 feet high. So as I sit here typing, I feel like I am alone in a racquetball court.

In addition to the black light posters, I think I am going to put up a couple of FATHEADS. I was hoping to go with a woodworking theme. However, I just got off the phone with Highland Hardware and it seems that neither the Frank Klausz nor the Roy Underhill FATHEADS are available yet. How stupid is that? We can get three different poses of Warren Sapp, but we cannot get a single woodworking celebrity in FATHEAD form.

It doesn’t really matter anyway. At the moment, I am pretty ticked off at the FATHEAD company. They completely screwed up my last order. I thought I was getting a bigger than life wall image of my favorite Desperate Housewife hottie… well apparently there is a GUY named Evan Longoria. Who the hell knew that? If you are a DevilRays fan, I can make you a good deal.

3 comments:

sugarmaker said...

Don't you love when you are getting ready to land and the flight attendant welcomes you to the place at which you are both arriving? Doesn't this seem odd? Is the flight attendant from there?

Anyway, welcome to your new work environs. I know that feeling, having been there a couple of times myself. Perhaps the former occupant used the pinholes to identify a pin by pin flowchart of his plans to get out of there. Each mark could have been a page with that step in the process. Who knows?

Things the Langorias have in common:

1) She's on a smash hit. He smashes hits.

2) He's a great fantasy baseball pick-up for lots of guys. To pick her up a fantasy of lots of guys.

3) He plays for the Rays. She has a knack for acting.

4) He was voted "best pure hitter" among college players in the 2006 draft class. She was one of People en Espanol's "25 Most Beautiful People" for 2003 and topped #1 in Maxim Magazine's hottest female stars of 2005. She was Ranked #9 on the Maxim magazine Hot 100 of 2007 list. Finally, she reached #14 in the FHM "Sexiest Women 2008" poll. Insert your own "hit that" reference here.

5) He apologized to Dominicans for his comment about whether Carlos Pena should sport a mohawk. She apologized to Jennifer Aniston for sporting a "I'll have your baby, Brad" t-shirt right after the couple announced their divorce.

6) She was born in Corpus Christi, Texas. He was born in Downey, California. There are more than a few references to Christi Downey on the internet. I checked.

7) He's number 3 on the team, and plays third base. She's now on her third television show, is 33 years old, and once played Flight Attendant #3 on Beverly Hills 90210.

8) She's the only one of her four siblings with dark features, and used to wonder if she was adopted. He's the only one of the four of his siblings with light features. People asked him if he was adopted.

9) They both have posters.
Her: http://tinyurl.com/53wdr5
Him: http://tinyurl.com/4wet24

-- but then, you already knew that.

Jeff Skiver said...

Well, here is how I managed to not know Evan existed.... once Ryne Sandberg retired I COMPLETELY gave up on baseball.

However, the flipside is that no longer giving a rat's tail about the great American pastime freed up more time to discover hot chicks on Maxim's list.

Now, dagnabit... I want my Eva Longoria FATHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I want to put it right between Fatheads of Frank Klausz and Roy Underhill.

AdamBN said...

Hey, Jeff --

The suspense is killing me, what is your new gig? Must be special if a young guy like you states that it will probably be the last company you will work for.

Whatever it is, my very best wishes for you in this new endeavor. Like the title of the book: "Do what you love, the money will follow!"

Good luck Jeff!