Perfection Among Mortals

Yesterday, I witnessed earthly perfection. I saw something that was profound enough to be one of those things that sticks with you for your entire life. I didn’t know it was coming when I woke up yesterday. However, by the time I went to bed last night I had something I can point at and say, “That is perfection!!!”

It started as Gail and I were backing out of the garage on our way to dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings. I had the car about 6 feet out of the garage when I looked over and saw a box sitting on the porch. I stopped, pushed the shift lever out of reverse, yanked the parking brake and ran over to find a heavy box that had originated in Oregon.

I handed it to Gail as I got back in the car. She cut it open to find my CT14 Foxtail Shoulder Plane had arrived from Bridge City. I hadn’t purchased one when they first came out, but a few weeks ago I got to hold one. As I held it, I listened as Bridge City Tool Works owner John Economaki spoke of his theory that beautiful tools serve as an inspiration to perform beautiful work. Holding it that night, I felt the magic, and finally placed my order for one.

Yesterday while driving to BW3’s I felt teased as Gail sat in the passenger seat telling me how pretty the Foxtail is, and telling me how heavy it is, and I could hear her playing with the locking lever and the wheel that holds the front part of the plane and allows for adjusting the throat.

Rather than taking it into the restaurant, I left the plane in the car. Gail said she would drive, and I could look at it on the way home. (I am actually a five year old kid trapped in the body of an old man, and Gail understands how to deal with me). With the Foxtail out in the car, Gail and I sat down at our table, and that is where I saw a thing of beauty and perfection. It was not brass and chrome; it was brown. As beautiful as the Foxtail may be, and as great as its design may be…it pales in comparison to what I saw as I ate dinner yesterday afternoon. Yesterday on the huge televisions inside BW3’s I saw The Preakness, and for me it took me back to Italian days in May from a few years ago.

I am not a horse person, but one didn’t need to be to recognize the perfect dominance of Big Brown in the race yesterday. Big Brown was the favorite. Big Brown was EXPECTED to win. Big Brown’s reputation mandated that anything other than victory was complete and total failure. The weird thing is that everyone involved in that race knew that except for the horses. Big Brown has no concept of his reputation. He just knew he was jogging. All of the way to turn four, Big Brown was a horse that was doing a fun run. Then, with the urging of his rider, Big Brown turned to the other gasping horses and said, “Kids, what do you say we stop this strolling along and make a run for the finish. I bet I can beat you.” And out of the fourth turn, Big Brown started running. Instantly The Preakness became a race with one amazing horse and a bunch of ponies struggling to see who could come in second.

I have only seen one other thing like that I can recall. Before his retirement a few years ago, I had the privilege of seeing the greatest bicycle sprinter of all time: Mario Cipollini. When Mario’s team would form up the train to lead him to the finish, it was the most beautiful thing in sport. It was perfectly orchestrated teamwork that would take control of a bike race to put Mario where he needed to be with 200 meters to go. And when his final leadout man, Giovanni Lombardi¸ pulled off there was never any doubt that Mario would end the day atop the podium. At his prime, Mario was a man among a peloton of boys. Yesterday took me back to the Giro d’Italia’s of old. Because at the fourth turn of The Preakness I saw an invisible Giovanni Lombardi peel off, and the Mario Cipollini of Thoroughbreds, a horse named Big Brown, allowed me to experience again the joy of seeing athletic perfection.

We mortals do not get to see perfection very often. My new Foxtail is nice, and I know John Economaki is happy with this tool he designed. And as much as Mr. Economaki hopes this beautiful tool will serve as a muse that inspires the highest level of craftsmanship, I don’t know if the Foxtail will ever move me to tears.

The following is a language censored quote from a scene (available on YouTube) from the film Vision Quest, one of my favorite coming of age movies from my youth:


Elmo: I was in the room here one day... watchin' the Mexican channel on TV. I don't know nothin' about Pele. I'm watchin' what this guy can do with a ball and his feet. Next thing I know, he jumps in the air and flips into a somersault and kicks the ball in - upside down and backwards... the ^%$damn goalie never knew what the %$# hit him. Pele gets excited and he rips off his jersey and starts running around the stadium waving it around over his head. Everybody's screaming in Spanish. I'm here, sitting alone in my room, and I start crying.

[pause]

Elmo: That's right, I start crying. Because another human being, a species which I happen to belong to, could kick a ball, and lift himself, and the rest of us sad-assed human beings, up to a better place to be, if only for a minute... let me tell ya, kid - it was pretty %$#damned glorious.

Yesterday afternoon, a horse named Big Brown did that same thing to me. Out of nowhere as I sat at a sports bar in Michigan I started crying as I witnessed the glorious moment when another creature on this planet achieved a moment of perfection that lifted me to a better place.

It made me think that perhaps I have what it takes to follow those dreams I keep buried down inside. Perhaps this is my moment to drop down to 168 and take on Shute…

Cat Scratch Fever

In 1980, my brother and our friends (a couple of toe-headed twins named Keith and Kevin) decided to start a club. We figured since we liked riding our BMX bikes along the side of the tracks of the Burlington Northern route than ran west out of Lima, through our village of Elida, and off toward Delphos we naturally needed a club to encompass the excitement of peddling 20” bikes in the blazing sunlight. We discussed some names, and somewhere between Danny Zucko’s T-Birds and the Doug Henning Magic Men we came up with a name…The Black Panthers.

Don’t ask me how four middle class white boys in Northwest Ohio came up with the same name as Huey Newton’s black Mao-ist/socialist movement. There are some who believe the human brain stores every piece of information a person encounters in life, and the limitation of human existence is not the possession of knowledge but the ability to recall. (This leads to the possibility that hypnosis can cause one to recall seemingly tiny, unperceived details from previous life experiences.) So perhaps one of us had heard Walter Cronkite mention the Black Panthers in our pre-teen lives, or perhaps Keith and Kevin were actually black radicals just passing as Arayan twins…who knows. The point is the four of us decided to call ourselves The Black Panthers. We even went to the T-shirt shop at the mall to see if they had any panthers iron on thingies that we could have put on black shirts. They didn’t. We could have had fuzzy block letters spelling out Black Panthers put on shirts, but that seemed lame. We thought about getting custom air-brushed t-shirts, but that was too expensive. So we just waited 3 or 4 days and forgot about it as focused on our 2 on 2 football games where each person running the ball claimed to be Earl Campbell. Edward and I moved back to Indianapolis a few months later, our family having only spent 6 months in Elida.

I spoke to my brother a few days ago. I haven’t heard from Keith or Kevin in over 27 years. 26 years after the disbanding of The Black Panthers of Elida, Ohio, Panther Fever hit me again. In 2006 when I bought my first hand plane and fell into the Galoot Crevasse, I purchased the two volume boxed set of Garrett Hack’s books. I really wanted The Handplane Book. I bought the boxed set because I love books, and I love to think I am getting a bargain. I had no real interest in the second volume of that set, The Handtool Book. But when those books arrived at my house, I got Panther Fever. One look at the Woodrough and McParlin Panther Saw on the cover of The Handtool Book and an abscess formed in my soul. I instantly had an infected cavity that could only be filled and healed with a Panther Saw.

I went looking for them on Ebay. There were none. What’s the deal????? None on EBAY???? Are they rare, or something? Some Googling told me they were rare. One website went as far as to estimate there were only 30 in existence. Obviously, there are probably more than 30 of them around, but I like how some people vehemently disagree with that total. I’ve seen bulletin board posts that say things like, “Oh, he’s full of crap if he says there are only 30 in existence. The total is probably closer to 50!!!! There could even be 100 of them if they were all dragged out of the barns and basements.”

I couldn’t find one. Gail and I went down to John Sindelar’s last year and there were four of them mocking me. I asked John about them, and he said, “I’ve had a few of them through the years, but I kept these because they were unique. These are weird ones…” (Friends that is a man after my own heart. His collection is so extensive he only collects “weird” Panther Saws.)

A year or so ago a Panther Saw finally showed up on Ebay. It was beat to death, and it went for about $600. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t even bid. A few weeks ago another one showed up. It wasn’t in Sindelar Condition. It had a couple of issues. It had a blade that had seen so many sharpenings it was only about an inch and a half tall at the toe. Also, it had a big nasty drip of latex paint on the handle. Even though I felt my background as a black panther (Elida, Ohio white guy pre-teen chapter from 1980) entitled me to own this saw, it was actually my Ebay bid that made it happen.

So, even though I spoiled this story a week and a half ago by showing Gail pruning trees in the backyard with my Panther Saw, I am officially on record as being a panther owner. I have described my Panther Saw as being like a Gutenberg Bible that is missing Psalms. Sure, given its condition, it is not the most desirable sample in the world, but why don’t you show me yours before you say anything bad about mine.

A couple of weeks ago a Panther Saw in really good shape turned up on Ebay, but the final $1800+ bid did not meet the reserve.

How many are out there? There have to be at least 30 Panthers. I think there are still more than 50 Panther Saws in the world. There could be as many as 100. Mine isn’t perfect, but owning it does make me feel like I am special. And I haven’t felt this special since the Nigerian Government sent me that email asking me to help them move some money around through the use of Money Orders...

I'm Not Emotional...I Just Have Allergies!!!!

I want to do another safety related blog entry before Woodworkers Safety Week gets away from us…

In the shop we should use all of our senses to detect danger. Well, use touch as the last sense for detection. Ya know…if you are unsure whether your table saw is on you should listen for the motor or look for the moving blade before reaching out to touch the spinning carbide.

I think our eyes are the most valuable safety tool we have. Hopefully, we see dangers. Even when we know dangers are present we use our eyes to determine our proximity to them.

So the Jeff Skiver Safety Tip of the day is…make sure your vision is clear by avoiding tears that can cause distorted vision. Therefore, never go to work in the shop immediately after watching any of the following movies:

1) Brian’s Song

2) Old Yeller

3) Love Story

4) Ghost

5) The Way We Were

6) Bambi

7) My Girl

8) E.T.

9) Forrest Gump

10) Pay It Forward

11) I Am Sam

12) Schindler’s List

13) Braveheart

14) Saving Private Ryan

15) Blazing Saddles

Also, if you are in the shop and any of the following songs come on the radio, IMMEDIATELY STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

1) Wildfire by Michael Martin Murphey

2) Honey by Bobby Goldsboro

3) Diary by Bread

4) Think of Laura by Christopher Cross

5) How Do You Mend a Broken Heart by the Bee Gees

6) Still by The Commodores

7) Alone Again, Naturally by Gilbert O’Sullivan

Finally, if you have been reading ANYTHING written by Nicholas Sparks then you should stay away from your shop for at least 4 weeks after you finish the book. You may think you are okay at 3 weeks, but you aren’t. Even three and a half weeks after finishing Message In A Bottle I would spontaneously break down into uncontrollable fits of agonizing tears. Nicholas Sparks requires FOUR FULL WEEKS!!!!!! You’ve been warned.

Safely Dealing with Big Cats

It’s safety week on The Woodwhisperer Network.

I covered the vast majority of my safety knowledge last year when I posted about the guy who has to remove a shoe if he wants to count into double digits.

However, I did come up with an important safety thought that I should share:

Differentiate between woodshop tools and toolshed items before someone gets killed and someone ends up in prison. (I know that doesn’t make sense, so I”ll explain.)

It starts with the dog. Our dog Peyton is obsessed with chewing lumber. He’s always grabbing rough sawn cut-offs from the shop and running off to gnaw on them. When he’s out in the back yard, he will jump up and tear the lowest limbs off of the trees. He’s an insane little pruner who leaves jagged limb spurs for any tree appendages he can reach.

Last week my lovely wife Gail decided to clean up some of the trees in the back yard that Peyton had roughed up, so she asked me for a saw. I suppose I should have paid closer attention to her, because Gail is a go getter. After giving me plenty of time to respond to her request for a saw, Gail grabbed one out of my woodshop and went to town on the trees in the backyard. She said that saw sure cut through those branches even though it was not a saw specifically designed for pruning trees. Can you guess what kind of saw she used?

Was it my dovetail saw? No.

Was it my Carcass Saw? No.

Was it my Tenon Saw? No.

Was it a DeWalt Reciprocating Saw? No.

Was it a Coping Saw? No.

Was it a Fret Saw? No.

Gail has style. When the dog jumps up and buggers up the lower limbs of the trees in our back yard, Gail cleans them up with a Panther Saw.

At first I was a little upset, but after hearing her describe how well it cut, I decided to try for myself. Wow…that Panther really does cut!!!!!

My safety advice is to pay attention when a loved one asks to borrow a tool. Gail and I got lucky. The borrowing of the Panther Saw worked out this time, but it could have easily had a disastrous outcome. A kinked blade or a dinged horn would have clearly led to a rumble in the backyard, and only one of us would have walked away.

Gail, you’ve been warned. Touch my Panther Saw again, and I’ll cut you!!!!

Raising Arizona....I Mean...Raising Peyton

May 2^nd is an anniversary date at my woodshop. One year ago today, I opened the doors to that new apprentice, Peyton, whom I talked about on the back page of the April 2008 issue of Popular Woodworking.

One year ago today, Gail and I drove down to Blue Gill Kennels in Allegan, Michigan and just like H.I. and Edwina McDunnough in Raising Arizona, we picked out “the best *&^%$$ one” and brought him home.

We carried Peyton into the house, presented him as a gift to our 10 ½ year old yellow Lab (Abby), and then I dragged all 6 pounds of him down to the shop. I wanted to take a picture of him that would mean something, so I posed him with my dovetail saw and my workhorse #4 ½ Smoother. I also positioned him on a piece of wood that I don’t deserve to own. My thought is that 10 years from now when I am good enough to make something with that piece of wood I will pose the full grown boy next to it, as a way of showing how long I have saved it.

To annually celebrate Peyton’s arrival at our home (and woodshop), I now think that I will take a shop photo of him every year on May 2^nd. Here is how he looked tonight…just 105 pounds heavier than last year.

There is one interesting coincidence about Peyton’s addition to our family. The day after we got him in 2007, Gail, Peyton, and I headed down to Indianapolis for a weekend class with David Charlesworth. (I took the class; Gail and Peyton hung out with my parents.)

I knew from David’s blog that he was a dog owner, so I went to great lengths to show off photos of my newly acquired puppy. At the end of that weekend, when David signed one of his books for me, he personalized it with “Jeff, Enjoy the new boy. David Charlesworth.”

The coincidence was when my April issue of PopWood arrived with the story of Peyton on the back page, my friend and fellow dog lover David Charlesworth had written the cover story on Band Saws.

David, your inscription has proven prophetic. Peyton adds great joy to my life.

How is it Edwina described it to H.I??? “I LOOOOOOVE HIM SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Shaky Deaf Guys with Digital Protractors...

Purely original thoughts are rare. I hate it when I come up with a great joke and then find someone else has been using it for three years.

Here is the best joke I wrote last week. Just wait…it will probably turn up on Comedy Central in a few months in an act that was filmed in 2005. So even though I think this is an original Skiver…odds are someone else wrote this joke first:

Is a deaf mute with Parkinson’s disease considered to be a stutterer?

Well, with that lead in, I want to present a really cool sharpening trick I learned recently from Chris Gochnour. Putting a chisel or plane blade into a honing guide requires one to accurately set the blade at the desired angle, and there are many techniques for this. Some people put the blade in the honing jig while sighting against a protractor in the background. Others make jigs that register a given blade projection for each desired angle they want to use with their honing guide…ya know…extend the blade X.XXX inches for 25 degrees and Y.YYYY inches for 30 degrees, etc. That kind of jig is excellent for getting repeatable angles with a given honing jig. However, it still suffers from the question of how the angles were measured the first time the jig was created and assembled.

Mr. Gochnour put me onto using the Wixey or Beall digital protractors for setting the honing angle. THIS IS BRILLIANT!!!! I don’t know why I only considered using my $40 digital reader for my jointer fence and table saw blade tilt, but Chris’ idea is the most accurate method I have seen to mount a blade in a honing guide at a desired angle.

Chris Gochnour is a very savvy woodworker. He finds (or invents) amazing ways to accurately perform woodworking tasks that are too often looked upon as requiring gifted dexterity. I mean…you can put a four year old on a two wheel bike and let him struggle to learn to ride it, or you can bolt some training wheels onto his bike for a while as he develops a feel for balance. Chris seems to come up with all kinds of helpful ideas (training wheels).

I don’t know if Chris invented this idea of using the digital protractor box for setting a honing guide. Perhaps this has already appeared as a workshop tip in 5 different magazines. I just know that I learned this from Chris, so for now he gets the credit…

Now back to important considerations…like shaky sign language…

The Wis...

My friend and occasional boss (when I'm feeling Freelancing'ish) Chris Schwarz recently found out that I have a Ken Wisner Edge-Trimming Block Plane, and he put together a really nice post on his blog about it.

I got mine a while ago (1 to 2 years ago) on Ebay. However, something interesting happened late last year when another Ken Wisner plane hit Ebay.

Last November another Wisner appeared on Ebay, and it included the original Garrett-Wade "Instruction" sheet. I didn't win that plane; I don't know if I even bid. However, I emailed the Ebay winner and asked if he would be willing to scan the instruction sheet and email it to me. This fellow Wisner owner (I only know him as TOM) did indeed scan the wrinkled Garrett-Wade page and email it to me. (That was a genuinely nice thing for a fellow woodworker to do.)

Here is a copy of the original Instruction Sheet that accompanied the Wisner Planes, courtesy of a nice fella named Tom.


It is interesting to think that a different guy named TOM was working at Garrett Wade when they were selling these planes, and perhaps he is the guy who wrote up these Instructions????

Tom Lie-Nielsen: Did you write up this one pager of tips for using the Ken Wisner plane when you worked for Garrett Wade?

I am glad Ken Wisner made a few hundred planes, but I am even more happy that Thomas Lie-Nielsen picked up the mantle and ran with it....

And I thought he only made Bibles....

I am joining the old book club. It seems that Chris Schwarz is always panning for gold nuggets in the dusty, old tomes of woodworking. I recently found that Chris Gochnour has been known to do the same thing. So even though my name isn’t Chris, I have decided to be an old book test pilot. Here is my inaugural flight into the realm of woodworking books of old. The good news is that I have found a book we can all take a look at.

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/20846/20846-h/20846-h.htm

It appears the Project Gutenberg folks have made it possible for the entire world to own a virtual copy of:

HANDWORK IN WOOD

By WILLIAM NOYES, M.A.

Assistant Professor, Department of Industrial Arts.

Teachers College, Columbia University

NEW YORK CITY

The entire book has been scanned, and is available at the link above. If this book had been written two weeks ago, I believe all of the woodworking book clubs would be clambering to secure exclusive rights to make it the Selection of the Month. It has about 4 boatloads of information, and it has pictures.

It tells how to sharpen a card scraper. It tells how to choose a hammer. It tells how to layout the rafters under the roof of your next house. It describes the proper circles to make when applying French Polish.

To me the most fascinating part of the book is the first section which provides tremendous detail on logging in the era before the internal combustion engine. The photos are amazing. Here are a couple just to whet your appetite.

Did it whet your appetite?

Wait!!!!!!! Did I just say “WHET”?????

Yes. And that leads us to the WHAT THE &$#*@&^%$ moment of the day…..

There is one area of this book that I read. Re-read. Paused to consider. Then re-read. It still confuses the heck out of me. I am pasting it here unedited….

To test the sharpness of a whetted edge, draw the tip of the finger or thumb lightly along it, Fig. 79. If the edge be dull, it will feel smooth: if it be sharp, and if care be taken, it will score the skin a little, not enough to cut thru, but just enough to be felt.

Fig. 79. Testing the Sharpness of a Chisel.

Maybe it’s because I am something of a bleeder, but I cannot bring myself to agree with that information. One of my primary objectives in woodworking is to avoid things that "score the skin a little."

99.9% of this free e-Book is gold, but whatever you do…don’t follow the advice “To test the sharpness of a whetted edge, draw the tip of the finger or thumb lightly along it…”

Enjoy your free book, and resist the urge to buy from the guy on Ebay who is offering a CD with this free eBook for the unheard of price of just under ten bucks. And to that Ebay guy...if you are one of my regular readers, I apologize for possibly hurting your plans for early retirement. It's nothing personal... I just wanted to be able to say that I gave all of my readers a free book.

Asian Gilrs for Dating

Ya know...I put Google ads on this blog in the hopes of making about $50,000 per month. However, the actual monthly income has been about 10,000 to 50,000 times less than that.

It should be noted I have no control over the ads that get placed along the edge of the blog. They get chosen based upon the key words spread throughout my writings. Then, in a king of the hill fashion, the best producing ads stay there until their production decreases and they are replaced by the young guns.

This week ASIAN GILRS FOR DATING showed up, and it seems to be stuck there. Don't get me wrong, pretty girls from timezones 12 or 13 hours away from mine add a nice change of pace from the mountain of links for workbenches.



Exactly 3 years ago I was in Viet Nam preparing to travel to China. It was quite interesting to be in the former Saigon as they prepared to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the departure of the last US helicopter. We managed to fly out the day before the official celebration of the anniversary of the American Departure.

The best joke I came up with during my stay in Viet Nam was told to Gail as we spoke on the "phone" through Skype. Here it is:

Gail: How are things in Viet Nam, Honey?

Jeff: Good. Not at all like Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, or The Deer Hunter (that's just me being "normal." That's not the joke).

Gail: That's nice. How is the food? Have you found anything to eat? (I'm a very fussy eater.)

Jeff: The food at the factory scared me, but here at the hotel it's GREAT!

Gail: What's it like? Is the city interesting, or have you seen any neat scenery?

(Get Ready. Here is the best joke of my Asian adventure)

Jeff: Yeah, there is one really neat thing. Today while we were in the taxi driving through Ho Chi Mihn City, I noticed the weirdest thing.... Every time we passed a Nail Salon, there were only American Women working there.

------------

It is my hope that joke is the only substantial thing that comes of my Asian trip of 2005. However, if a blue-eyed Asian kid ever knocks on the door, I am sticking by the story I have always told Gail.... "God as my witness, honey, I thought Karaoke was just singing."

It’s not you…it’s me.

Two weeks ago, on April 1st, I received a call from Maine. I was busily working at Marc Adams School of Woodworking and the call went to voicemail. Later that evening as I drove to my parents’ house (where I stay when visiting MASW) I finally listened to voicemail and found that Andrew from Lie-Nielsen called because he was getting ready to build my workbench. It truly seemed like it had to be an April Fools joke.

Last year about this time I was talking to Mr. Lie-Nielsen, and I had finally decided to forego building my own workbench and just buy one. I asked what the lead time was, and he said, “about 6 weeks.” Thomas told me to call Casey back at the Toolworks and place the order through her. When I called Casey the next day, she told me Tom misspoke about the lead time. I was informed the benches were as much as 6 months out. I went ahead and ordered it, realizing that I would have a new workbench in time for Thanksgiving. Around October of 2007, I called to check on the status of my bench and found that I was still number 83 on the list of 130 people waiting for benches. A new bench for Thanksgiving would be out of the question.

I was lamenting my bench waiting frustration to Chris Schwarz who responded, “Why don’t you just build a bench?!?!?!??!” My response was something like, “Hey, Chris, you know Tom better than I do…. Do you think he would move me up the waiting list if I offered him like an extra Ten Dollars?” Chris replied, “Knowing him, he will either move you down or throw you off the list.”

I don’t think it’s a case of Thomas Lie-Nielsen being The Soup Nazi; I just got the impression he believes in treating everyone fairly. So I waited.

A couple of weeks later, I decided to start building the Holtzapffel Bench. That bench is nearly done, and I really like the design. While at MASW, students work on Lie-Nielsen workbenches, and they are very good benches. However, during the first day of my class with Chris Gochnour two weeks ago I kept discovering little things about the bench that were less efficient than the Holtzapffel bench, given the way I work. I love the massive legs of the Holtzapffel and the fact they mount flush to the front of the benchtop. This design offers clamping possibilities that are not available with the traditional European Trestle base. As much as I thought I wanted a tool tray, I have now grown accustomed to the clear 24” wide top of massively thick hard maple. (Note: Lie-Nielsen benches can be ordered with or without tool trays.)

So on April Fools Day as I pulled out of the parking lot at MASW, I was thinking about how happy I am with the workbench I built when the cellular signal improved and my phone's voicemail reminder told me of all of the calls I had missed during the day. I was thinking about my Holtzapffel bench when I listend to a voicmail from Andrew asking if I still wanted the Lie-Nielsen Bench. I called Andrew the next morning and found out some information… I was now number one on a list of about 200, and they aren’t taking any more orders (for a while). As Andrew told me about the challenges they face in meeting the demand for the benches, my mind began racing through thoughts of various schemes and dreams.

My brain went into Antiques Roadshow Collector Mode. I saw Leslie and Leigh Keno oohing over the bench, saying, “Yes. This is an original Lie-Nielsen Bench….” My brain then jumped to a glimpse of the estate sale with a Lie-Nielsen Bench covered with all of my tools. Patrick Leach’s Full Grown 50 year old Tool Elf was there offering “a hundred bucks for all of this old woodworking crap” which my 52 year old nephew was greedily accepting.

I thought about buying the bench and then immediately selling it on Ebay. How much would the guy who is currently #200 on the list be willing to pay to get an 8 foot long Lie-Nielsen workbench within 3 weeks??? The greedy look in my eyes was replaced with a look of fear as the vision of The Soup Nazi flooded my brain, and I heard Tom Lie-Nielsen’s voice say, “You’re the *^&^%*^$% who sold the brand new bench on Ebay????? NO MORE TOOLS FOR YOU!!!!!!!!”

Then, for about 10 seconds I tried to picture the layout of my shop with a $2000+ 8 foot long sharpening station. I couldn’t figure out where to fit it in. I also couldn’t figure out how to convince Gail to start working nights at a 7-11 in order to bring home extra cash to pay for it.

So after weighing all of these thoughts, I made the following speech to Andrew: “Working on the Lie-Nielsen bench here at Marc Adams’ yesterday reminded me of how nice these benches are. However, I am really happy with the bench I just finished making (don’t tell Andrew that it isn’t actually finished yet). Just in case you guys decide to stop making these benches, I would sure love to have one just from the collector side of things, but I cannot justify it given the lack of space in my shop. So, you see, Andrew, I love the benches you make, but they aren’t right for me.”

Then, feeling like all of those old girlfriends of mine from the 1990’s, I said the phrase that effectively closed my affair with the Lie-Nielsen workbench. I softly spoke into the phone and told him, “Andrew… It’s not you… It’s me.”

Next weekend I will be seeing Tom Lie-Nielsen. I hope things won’t be awkward. I hope we can still be friends if only for the sake of the 30 or so planes, saws, chisels, doweling jigs, aprons, and spokeshaves I own.

Three Carries

It was never my intention to be a hero. I think the word is overused. However, events in life occur that cause normal people to do heroic things. For me, my fleeting moments of heroism involved our older dog Abby and Three Carries.

Carry Number One occurred in 2001. Near our home is Rosy Mound Park on Lake Michigan where we would go swimming with the dog. The beach at Rosy Mound was always deserted because it sits about two miles from the road. Those two miles consisted of sand dune trails through the woods. No one would go to Rosy Mound beach because you had to burn about 500 calories hiking two miles through sand to get there. Then you had to turn around and hike out when you were done. In recent years, they spent a lot of taxpayer money to pave the trails to provide yet another accessible place for mothers pushing 13 baby strollers, and I have never been back. But back in 2001, Rosy Mound was our private beach.

(clicking any of the pictures will open a larger version)

When Rosy Mound was still rustic we would hike out there with the dog and throw a Dokken Retrieval Duck into the water and she would swim out to fetch it. Abby loved swimming so much we always had to drag her away from the water when she would get too tired; she would have swam until she drowned. One day, the waves were crashing and I threw the duck in the wrong spot on the other side of the driftwood tree pictured below, and Abby jumped over the tree to go after the duck. However, as she was in the air over the tree, a crashing wave hit her and caused her to drop onto a limb spike.

Abby was impaled on the spike and was thrashing in her attempt to get away, but she was stuck on the tree with a limb spike up inside her abdomen. I ran out to get her and as I lifted her off the limb, her thrashing struck me across the face. The picture with me holding my chubby niece (competing to see who has the bluer eyes) was taken a few days after and the cuts Abby gave me are clearly visible.

When I lifted Abby off of the tree I saw a massive wound in her abdomen just in front of her rear leg. I remember telling Gail, “Well, she is going to die, but I’d rather her die with me carrying her out of here than to just sit here and wait for it.” The bleeding wasn’t quite as bad as I would have thought, but I stuck all 110 pounds of her up on my shoulders and carried her two miles through the sand dunes. Eventually, we made it to the car, Gail called the vet’s pager, and Dr. Bader met us at Mapleview Animal Hospital and performed emergency surgery that saved her. Somehow that spike limb had missed all of the major internal stuff.

Carry Number Two came a year or so later. We were walking the dog through the downtown area of Zeeland (a village 8 miles from home) one night in December when Abby started whimpering like there was something stuck in her paws. When I knelt down to check on her I felt an electrical tingling on the pavement. Suddenly, Abby yelped and staggered into the gutter of the street which was filled with salty water from the snowmelt. When she hit the puddle, she convulsed, lost bowel control, and was being electrocuted when I somehow scooped her up and carried her a hundred or so feet back to a “safe” parking lot. We went home, but the situation really bugged me. So the next night we visited the same spot, but I took along my digital multimeter. When I probed the wet sidewalk and the metal light pole at that location, I found that the light pole was leaking 120 Volts. The previous night, my dog Abby had found a metal light pole with a short that was feeding electricity out to the salty wet pavement. It was at night, and no one was around, so I called 9-1-1 with a “non-emergency.” Within 5 minutes every police officer, fire fighter, and fire apparatus within 5 miles was screaming onto Main Street with lights and sirens blaring. I assume that the night before the rubber soles of my shoes kept the circuit from completing and allowed me to scoop up Abby as she was being electrocuted, without my suffering a similar shocking fate, or perhaps it was dumb luck. But either my quick action (or stupidity) saved Abby from a Bundy-ish death.

Carry Number Three happened this afternoon. Abby is eleven years old, and she suffers arthritis. However, in the last two weeks, she has seemed more weak than normal, with very little strength in her back legs. Last week while Gail and I were in Indianapolis for my class at MASW, we stayed with my parents. On Thursday morning I was awakened around 5:00am by a horrible noise and I found Abby having a full blown seizure. It lasted about 5 minutes, and then we took her to the 24 hour animal hospital that is near my parents’ house. Epilepsy was a possibility, but given she has never had a previous seizure, along with her advanced age of 11 ½ , it is more likely she has a brain tumor. That night, she had another seizure. In the last few days there have been no more seizures, but Abby’s mobility has gotten significantly worse. This afternoon, Dr. Jill Veldhof (the other vet at Mapleview who took such good care of Simon last January) confirmed there is likely a neurological issue affecting Abby’s back legs. Also, she had likely torn an ACL (or something like it) recently. The information Dr. Jill gave us confirmed what Gail and I had already discussed this morning and throughout the day. Abby’s always been a fiercely independent dog, and we knew how much she hates the mobility problems that have attacked her over the past couple of weeks. So Gail and I knew what was going to happen when we prepared to leave the house for our 2:45 pm appointment. I knew as I carried her to the car that it was the last time she would see her home. And I knew as I carried her into the hospital, that I was carrying her for the last time.

When the time came, I stroked Abby’s head and told her stories of swimming in Lake Michigan and fetching retrieval ducks. I told her she was our first dog and how much we loved her, and how she helped Gail and me to heal a little when we got her after our miscarriages back in the 90’s. I told her that even though she’s never been as lovey-dovey as her brothers (Simon and Peyton), that I know she knows how much she is loved. Abby truly understood that I saved her life when I carried her out of Rosy Mound and Zeeland, and today her eyes told me that she knew I was once again carrying her to a better place that would be free of pain and suffering.

We loved you, Abby. We were blessed to have you in our lives.

That CH is actually a K

Well, it has been a while since the last update, but I have a good excuse. I've been doing actual woodworking.

This week I attended 2008's opening week of classes at Marc Adams School of Woodworking. My instructor was Chris Gochnour, the owner of the most often mis-pronounced name in woodworking. Honestly, there are more folks who know how to pronounce Tage Frid than Gochnour. Phonetically speaking, that "h" in Chris' last name is actually a "k." It's pronounced GOCK-nour....not GOTCH-nour. It probably shouldn't be that surprising, because the "CH" in his first name follows the same rule. It's pronounced KA-RIS...not CHA-RIS.

Rest assured, though, that I learned a lot more than just how to pronounce Chris' name. In this class, we built a Shaker wall clock using only hand tools. Chris provided a detailed cut list in the weeks leading up to the class, and the students brought their prepared stock. I used my jointer, planer, power miter saw, bandsaw, and tablesaw to prepare that lumber at home. However, after I arrived at MASW, the only electrical energy I used was the overhead lighting.

Using hand tools exclusively opens one's eyes to possibilities that are normally not embraced in a power tool shop. For example, trimming 1/8th of an inch off the end of a 7 inch wide panel is a no brainer with a miter saw or a crosscut sled on a tablesaw. However, working only with hand tools I decided to not use the miter plane and a shooting board and, instead, went for a full size crosscut saw. Using a panel saw to trim off an eighth of an inch is not really as difficult as it might seem, but few woodworkers are ever placed in the situation of needing to attempt it.

Likewise, the decorative molding around the doors of the clock looks like it was run across the router table, but it was actually a hand held molding plane. Honestly, those narrow wooden things that Roy Underhill is always messin' with....they actually work to cut profiles. Who knew?

At the end of the week, when I looked at the nearly finished clock, it was interesting to consider the many steps that could be completed with greater speed in a power tool shop. Routered molding would have been much faster. A hollow chisel mortiser would have made quicker work of the joinery. The bit and brace was not as fast as a drill press. Yet, the thing I come back to is the realization that the exclusive use of hand tools was not so slow as to make this project impossible to complete in 5 days. (Chris says he has taught this class near his home in Utah over the course of only 3 days.) The beauty of the class is during the 5 days, I never once needed to put on any hearing protection. A molding plane is noticeably quieter than a router screaming at 20,000 rpm.

Take note that Chris Gochnour is a great instructor. His articles in Fine Woodworking should be sufficient to give one an idea of his abilities and his communication style. But those articles never communicated one of the delightful surprises of taking Chris' class at Marc Adams' School: with Chris Gochnour a student gets VALUE. The pace of the class was never hurried or frantic, yet it never dragged. Chris was able to provide individual instruction as students progressed at varied rates. The amazing thing is that Chris Gochnour worked harder than any student. We started promptly in the morning, and we would stop each evening a little after 6:00pm. Chris would then tell everyone, "after we grab some dinner, I'll be back here by 8 o'clock for two or three hours." At least two nights during the week, I decided to go back and get some additional work done after dinner. On Monday night, when I left at 10:00 pm, Chris was still there ready to help and instruct. On Wednesday, when I was the last student out the door at 11:00 pm, I later found out that Chris didn't leave until midnight.

I'll have more to say about this clock and Chris Gochnour in the near future.

Sorry for the delay since the last blog post. I hope the folks who follow this blog didn't worry that I was lost like Baby Jessica down a well...I've just been too busy sawing, chiseling, and planing to return to the electrical world of computers and broadband connections to update the blog.

I'm glad my laptop is quiet. (It is going to take a while to work my ears back to tolerating the noise of routers and planers.)

To Chris Gochnour and the staff at Marc Adams School of Woodworking: thanks for a great week. I know that the students in our class were thrilled with the knowledge and experience we gained. It was a wonderful week.

Sing. Sing a Song.

I know...I was supposed to describe additional tools I recently purchased. But I am a little loopy at the moment from milling up stock for my class next week. My planer is soooooooooo loud (even with earplugs) that it messes with my head more than a visit to the dentist. So it seems I am in one those Deep Thought moods again brought on by the hideous, unending scream of the planer.

Music is important to me, but, apparently, the planer is not music to my ears.

Music sets the tone for life. It’s not so important as to be the glue that holds life together, but music is the backdrop and the lighting that enrich the 8 by 10 snapshots of our existence.

With that thought I provide you my list of recommendations for which artists to listen to for specific situations. Lets go…

While dieting The Carpenters are a good choice

While snacking on cold cuts at home, I prefer to listen to The Mamas and The Papas

When I need to discuss anything with my dad, I like to put on some Marvin Gay.

When talking to your girlfriend anything produced by Phil Spector is a good choice

During an interview with Barbara Walters, Whitney Houston sets a very nice mood

While getting a hair cut, shave, or bikini wax... go for a little Britney Spears

For binge drinking and recreational drug use: Joplin, Morrison, and Hendrix are obvious choices.

If the weather turns nasty and you wonder if it is safe to travel, think it over while listening to Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper, or Richie Valens.

Whenever a visit to any US Naval vessel is in order, it should be accompanied by a musical dose of Cher

For those acting out the story of the TV Series and feature film THE FUGITIVE where an amputee shows up to wreak havoc on the life of Dr. Richard Kimball…Paul McCartney would fit right in. (Alternately Def Leppard works in this situation).

If you find yourself struggling at the controls while flying that plane you built in your backyard, you could listen to John Denver

When you are busy working on your Income Tax Return, Willie Nelson provides the ideal soundtrack.

And, finally, for those times when you want to just hang out and do nothing, choose INXS.

Heinz 57...the Perfect Workbench Finish

When I first started this blog, I had an entry dedicated to a cute little Lie-Nielsen Special Edition #1 Bench Plane that I had scored on Ebay.


Then a couple of weeks later I posted an entry telling about the ongoing sense of loss I feel for having not purchased the 25th Anniversary 4 1/2 when it was offered in 2006. I mentioned that I was sure to get offers to sell me one of the 25th Anniversary 4 1/2's for waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy too much money, but I summarized that I was happy with the regular Lie-Nielsen 4 1/2 I purchased prior to the 25th Anniversary offering.

A couple weeks after the blog post, a 25th anniversary 4 1/2 showed up on Ebay. Do you remember that one? Here is a screen shot of the finished auction.


No, that's not me who paid $1125 USD. I have discipline. I said in early December I wouldn't buy one if it cost more than my first car. (We got that rusty orange 1972 Pontiac GTO for $900.)

However, a few weeks later when the Christmas hype was over, and the credit card bills were coming due for most of America, there were fewer bidders when another 4 1/2 came up. I purchase it for $650 and brought him home, and when I saw that it was number 57 of 500, I naturally nicknamed him Heinz. Yes, it is more than the original $450 price, but it was a deal I can gladly live with. (And just like my famous puppy's namesake who finally got his Super Bowl ring in February of 2007....I no longer have that monkey on my back.)


Finally, for those who think I sold out since I previously stated I didn't need another 4 1/2 in my arsenal, here is the justification for this purchase. The 25th Anniversary 4 1/2 has the high angle frog.

See that... it's a completely different tool. I clearly need a bronze 4 1/2 with a high angle frog. It's not my fault it's beautiful...I only got it because of the essential need. You know what else I need? I need to finish my dang workbench.

Big Game Hunting

It comes down to children or, more correctly, the lack of children.

Each time I have a tool target in the cross-hairs and I squeeze off a Visa round to bag another trophy, I always pause and think, “Well, it’s not like I’m having to save for a kid’s college fund.” Don’t get me wrong, tools probably won’t call me or surprise me with a 9 day cruise through the Mediterranean when I turn 75, but I also won’t ever fight with tools about whether or not I am able to take care of myself. I just cannot see a Router Plane conspiring with a Plow Plane to get my Power of Attorney and put me in a home. However, I can picture a sneaky little miter plane telling me I should sign the Do Not Resuscitate order.

So the barren Skiver household has seen multiple visits from the tool stork in the last few weeks. I wanted to wait until my workbench was completed before I bragged about the new little ones, but I’ve got to get this information out there before the lack of updates dooms this blog to fleeting, flash in the pan greatness. So, for the sake of Blog sustainability, I will use the 80% done bench as a stage. 80% done means all I have to do is mortise the bottom of the benchtop, drop it onto the tenons on the top of the legs, assemble the vices, drill the dog holes, and then finish it with a coat of Sears Weatherbeater to hide the beautiful Maple. Within a year or so, we’ll have ourselves a bench.

Tonight when I get home from work, I will roll out the first of my trophy tools that arrived a month or so ago. I won’t be able to make it a long entry because I have to prepare my cut list for a class I am taking next week. Next week, the Marc Adams School of Woodworking kicks off its 15th year of existence, and I will be there taking a class with Chris Gochnour. It’s a hand tool class building a shaker clock, and I am supposed to bring my pre-cut lumber. So I have to resaw, joint, plane, and cut a bunch of cherry tonight. However, I should be able to get out a description of at least one of the new little Skivers.

Fatigue or Just The Early Stages of Dimentia????

Gail and I visited the greater Detroit area this weekend to visit with Chris Schwarz and John Hoffman who were teaching classes at the Sterling Heights Woodcraft Store. Gail and I didn’t make it to the store, but we did spend some quality time visiting with Chris and John over dinner at the Royal Oak Brewery along with several members of the Southeast Michigan Woodworkers’ Group. They were nice guys, and I once again made new woodworking friends whose talents are far superior to mine. I sat next to a guy named Jason who showed me pictures of original furniture and art pieces he has recently made. I showed him pictures of my latest tool acquisition. I wish I was a better furniture maker, but so far my real strength is spending money on tools.

Comparison: I used my God-given talents to create this…… Oh yeah, well I used real US currency to buy this….

Whining excuse: I have been sooooooo busy lately…..

About three weeks ago I managed to get a great tool I have been wanting. I have been holding off talking about it until I finish the workbench, because I want to show it off on top of the bench. Well, wouldn’t you know it…I acquire this tool that is clearly a “Lifer” for my collection, and before I can even brag about it on my blog I managed to get a better one. Yes, boys and girls, last week I acquired an even rarer tool I have been wanting ever since I first laid eyes on a sample. It’s a “Double Lifer”; that’s one that makes you take up Eastern religions so that you can hold out hope of reincarnating with your stuff. Obviously, I have to finish this workbench so I have a suitable palette for displaying my freshly adopted children.

Sunday, when we returned from Detroit I set to work on the bench. Within minutes it turned into a classic example of why one shouldn’t work when he is really tired. It was SNAFU city. Luckily, there were no injuries.

Sunday night I started my draw boring process. My ebony pegs are 3/8”, so I am going to drill my holes 23/64ths (as I discussed with Chris Schwarz Saturday night). I decided I would pre-drill the holes with a 5/16ths brad point before going back with the 23/64ths metal twist bit. I thought this would allow me to use the 5/16ths brad point as a center punch to better mark the tenons before offsetting and drilling. So I drilled holes into the sides of the first two mortises of the legs.

As I take that leg from the drill press over to my bench, I think, “Hmmm, those 5/16ths holes look almost as big as my pegs.” My 3/8^th pegs dropped right into my holes that were pilot drilled with a 3/8^th brad point. Apparently I was tired enough to grab the wrong drill bit. So screw it…I will just make 4 pegs a hair bigger than 3/8ths to fix these.

Then I went on to try to end the evening’s work on a high note. So I started on a new leg and predrilled the holes this time with the correct 5/16ths brad point. I used that same bit as a center punch and I marked the tenons. Given the scale of the mating parts, I used a full 1/8^th inch offset on the drawbore and I marked the tenons and drilled them with the 5/16ths brad point. I thought I would check the alignment before going back to drill all of the holes on this leg and stretcher joint with the 23/64ths. I dry fit the joint and saw a perfect 1/8^th inch overlap. WAIT…. Oh Dear God…NO!!!!!!!!!!!!. Yeah, baby, when I insert a drawbore pin or a peg, it will ensure there is a full 1/8^th inch GAP between the face of the leg and the shoulder of the stretcher, because in my fatigued state, I somehow offset the hole in the tenon on the wrong friggin’ side. I offset it 1/8^th inch AWAY from the shoulder.

Trying desperately to end the night on a victory, I did quickly make a 5/16ths peg that I used to plug the wrongly offset hole in the tenon, and I am going to re-drill it with the offset the correct direction sometime this week.

Years from now when I finally reach the point where normal drawboring no longer presents such a monumental challenge I am going to raise the bar by having Gail subject me to a good dose of Waterboarding before I lay out where I want to drill the holes. But for now, I am failing without any extra distractions…. other than the internal voices screaming at me to stop sniffing the hide glue before I kill all of the remaining brain cells.