Monday, February 18, 2008

When I was a boy...this was a REAL holiday.

George Washington chopped down the Cherry Tree, but for Presidents’ Day…we’re chopping prices on everything in the store!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Monday only, you must come to Macy’s Presidents’ Day Mattress Sale!!!!!

I guess things just sort of lose their edge with time. I don’t exactly know when we went from honoring America’s Commanders in Chief to just having an excuse for no mail service and a bitchin’ sale, but it has been at least 30 years. However, I think it would be neat if stores tailored their sales to the man currently in the White House.

Just imagine the late 1990’s….

“And be sure to check out the clearance rack where all stained, black dresses are at a special discount….”

Yeah, Presidents’ Day doesn’t really mean anything to anybody outside of the roster of government employees who took the day off. However, eventually time passes and every holiday slides down from the pedestal of remembrance and becomes just as trivialized as every other former “great” holiday (Arbor Day, Columbus Day, St. Patrick’s Day, etc.).

I don’t know if America will be honest and accept the reality of it, but we are less than 50 years away from Martin Luther King, Jr. Day being equally blown off by 99.9% of the population. Before 2050, you will flip on your funky 3D Hologram Generator that replaced that Crappy Old 120 inch High Def TV and you will see some horrible black actor in a dark suit with a narrow tie say, “I have a Dream!!!!!!!!!! That everything in the store is 30 to 50% off!!!!!!!!!!!” Mark my words, friends: Someday, we in America will witness the MLK DAY White Sale.

Now, I do want to acknowledge that among my circle of friends who know what funny is…I am considered “The King of Inappropriate Humor.” However, what I have written above is not meant to be humorous. It’s just an example of how today’s greatness will almost always be lost on the kids born two generations from now.

In closing, to end on an up note (and to provide perspective to what I said above), I am going to tell you the Honest-to-God true story of the most inappropriate joke I ever told. A couple of years ago Gail and I were at Hobby Lobby and I looked over at an aisle end cap that was about 15 feet away from the cash registers. On that end cap were little plaster busts about 6 inches tall of famous historical figures. There was a plaster Shakespeare next to the bust of George Washington. Straight off of Schroeder’s piano was the little bust of Beethoven. Without taking a second to think, I picked up the John F. Kennedy bust, turned to face the cash register, and asked, “Excuse me, Maam, is this one on sale, because it seems to be missing the whole back side of its head?”

That was the most inappropriate joke I ever told. If you don’t believe me, you can ask Gail.

Anyway, the point of this blog entry is that I truly worry that today’s kids and the children of tomorrow just aren’t going to be as respectful as we adults are today.


Anonymous said...

With your dark humor, you might like this:

Anonymous said...

That didn't work so well... Try this:

Anonymous said...

Ok, so you had a lapse of common sense & came out with an inappropriate joke about JFK, but you weren't trying to make any money off it. My wife's late uncle had a countertop 'Shrine of Tastelessness' with a collection of sick, twisted, & tacky knickknacks. (We contributed the home voodoo doll kit) The item that made my jaw drop was the salt & pepper shaker set of JFK & MLK. Yep, little busts with holes in their heads - and someone actually thought that was a Good Idea for a product.

Vic said...

That's not so bad, Jeff. Funny is funny. I'm always in trouble with my wife for being inappropriate. The problem is almost like Tourets for me. I think it, my mouth throws it out there. So much for that corner office!

Jeff Skiver said...

I keep looking for that Salt & Pepper shaker set on Ebay. However, I want the complete set...which includes the Robert Kennedy Sugar Container. (The sugar pours out of his chest!!!!)

On a serious note, that salt & pepper shaker is a good test for the existence of racism in America. When we get to the point where a person has to sprinkle it in his hand to see which is which (rather than just assuming JFK is salt and MLK is pepper) then we'll know we have truly become a "colorblind" society. Amen.