Tuesday, April 28, 2009

You just keep me hangin' on...

OK.

I don't have nearly enough time to explain where I have been the last three weeks.

However, as a public service to the four people who still follow the blog, I am going to at least toss you a bone by sharing the best joke I came up with yesterday. (Today's best joke is far too R-rated for this blog; but yesterday's was ok).

If a Jewish guy gets Swine Flu...in addition to his being sick, is it also a sin???

Finally, in case you are wondering there is a good chance that my 3 week absence involves my beating the living dog Sh^%$ out of a prostitute who tried to play Hannibal Lecter with my tongue during a night of partying in Miami. Isn't that crazy??? I shoot one Shamwow spoof, and the next thing you know my whole life starts mimicking Vince's.

14 comments:

sugarmaker said...

Good one. Oy, and kosher even.

Swine flu, the past tense of "when pigs fly." I thought I had it, but it just turned out to be a sty in my eye.

Try the veal.

bubba squirrel said...

welcome back. hope the tongue is healing.

JasonB said...

I'll leave a comment... in three weeks.

sugarmaker said...

Hmmmm. This is weird. Someone has been following this blog. And apparently he or she been tracking the posts to the second. See for yourself...

http://tinyurl.com/d7e6q5

bubba squirrel said...

well, he said he had a sore tongue. Maybe that's what he types with after all the British beer.

JasonB said...

Well, it's been three weeks, so here I am to post a comment. Now if I could only remember what I was going to say...

JasonB said...

Anybody have a bloodhound that can track the smell of Guinness?

Anonymous said...

Potential fates of Skiver:

Gail beat "the living dog Sh^%$" out of him after his last post using that very phrase.

Was abducted by the Sham-Wow mafia, and is currently trying to soak up Lake Michigan... from the bottom.

Was abducted by Lie-Nielsen Toolworks, and is secretly filming a feature-length motion picture/infomercial on the relative strengths of Butt Mortise Planes and Tite-Mark Long's (insert your own innuendos here).

sugarmaker said...

That stuff’s funny. "Butt Mortise," "Tite-Mark Long."

Don't get me started on the tongue and groove plane or the small router plane's feelings of inadequacy when nearby the large router plane.

This has deteriorated into a college freshman entendre fest.

Seriously, though. My guess is that Jeff needed a break. Moving, new job, and on top of that setting up shop whilst trying to reacquaint oneself with the old digs must be a lot to make work. He's probably just gathering some more material. I still think that video was hilarious.

JasonB said...

I think the Sham-wow mafia scenario sounds the most plausible. That Sham-wow guy don't take crap from NOBODY, and has proven that he will put the smack-down on anyone who doesn't show him the proper respect. Poor Jeff, "Sham-whipped".

Jeff Skiver said...

OK.... these latest comments got forwarded to my Blackberry last week while I was in Paris, but I wasn't able to post a response because I didn't have a real internet connection for my laptop.

It just so happens that I have been really busy (spending time on 3 different continents and both hemispheres in the last month...and I am supposed to be back in Brazil next week.) Nevertheless, spending last week in Paris did stir up some blog ideas that I think I can find time to start sharing this week.

Sorry for falling off the planet, guys. I suppose in our current economy it is a good thing to have so many people wanting/needing my time.

More to come this week... I promise.

JasonB said...

****HOLDING BREATH****

Murphy said...

This just in... Our friend JasonB has died after holding his breath for five weeks. Autopsy reports indicated the cause of death was not hypoxia but a deficit of complex vitamin S as well as complications from severe disappointment and depression.

Also just in... Jeff Skiver sited roaming the beaches of Rio de Janeiro trying to convince nubile young ladies to sit for him as models for his professional driftwood carvings. Police are investigating.

Jeff Skiver said...

Well....

"Murphy's" comment managed to scare me out of my hole.

I am adding an entry today just to ask who the hell both follows my un-updated blog and knows I am in Brazil right now????