Monday, November 26, 2007

Mr Popeil, I think the nozzle is clogged.

I had something of a Sally Field moment this afternoon.

Just to add to the excitement…I’ll let you guess which of the following it was:

1) I was standing on the side of the road doing a little cross-dressing in a wedding dress when Burt Reynolds came by and picked me up in a Black Firebird with T-tops.

2) I put on a nun’s habit and started flying. Then, I took an aerial tour of the lovely sand dunes on the shore of Lake Michigan where I live.

3) I stood up in the middle of my office and screamed like a school girl, “He likes me. He really likes me.”

4) I spent a good long time talking to my wife about how difficult it is to take a “bone loss” prevention medication once a day, once a week, or even once every two weeks. And “Once a month Boniva” is the only one with a dosage schedule that an educated, capable woman can likely remember to take.”

Yeah, it was #3. During a company approved personal break, I surfed over to Chris Schwarz’s Woodworking Magazine blog to see if he had linked to me yet. (Note: I cannot go on record as saying I looked during an actual work moment, because I don’t know whether or not “the man” might actually be reading this right now.)

Last week Chris said he would throw a link to my blog on his blog. I kind of thought there would be an obscure little link there in 4 point Wingding font, hidden under the link to Konrad Sauer’s blog. Perhaps there would be a little comparative description like: Here is a Canadian guy who makes the most amazing infill planes you have ever seen (Konrad). Then…for me…here is a lazy American guy who doesn’t actually make anything, but he’s got some dirt on me that he is using to blackmail me.

So, when I saw that Chris not only posted a link but actually wrote it up like I was a legitimately funny guy, I immediately grabbed my 15 minute hour glass and kicked started my brief taste of fame. Then, I emailed all 12 of the people I consider to be family, friends, or acquaintances and managed to momentarily crash Chris’ blog’s web server as the influx of Skiver-driven traffic shut him down. (My mom is an amazing double-clicker).

All I can say is I am so glad I still have my hair. Because with the contributor’s photo in December’s Popular Woodworking along with the photos in Chris’ note and on my own blog, I now can rest assured when old girlfriends Google my name to see which Federal Penitentiary I ended up in, they will not only be shocked to see I am still a free man (THANK YOU, JOHNNIE COCHRAN, r.i.p.), but they will get the double shock of seeing I still have my hair. (or at least a decent toupee…or plugs transplanted from Robin Williams’ back…or Ron Popeil’s flocking in a can…)


Mike said...

"Chris Schwarz asked me to start a blog as a method of curing me from sending him daily, lengthy, rambling, ranting emails about my life as a slightly schizophrenic individual on the fringes of the woodworking world."

Now that's even funnier!

I don't think Chris would ask me to do that as an individual. First, he knows I'm not smart enough to do a blog. Second...

Your column was fun. Hope to see more of them.

Take care, Mike

Anonymous said...

please more Ron Popeil reference. Maybe a story on how the inside the egg scrambler can be used to mix epoxies.

Gary Roberts said...

Dear Sir:

In the future, please announce the full intent of your posts so as to avoid the unpleasant experience of spreading a mouthful of cereal over my keyboard. Neither I nor my keyboard appreciate this lack of consideration on your part.

I remain,
Gary Roberts
PS: I added a feed for your blog to mine at the toolemera blog. In this fashion, I will have some forewarning of what is to come.

rookster said...

I can see that this is not a blog that I'll want to check during dull sections of phone meetings. At least not unless the phone is on mute.

Had I been eating cereal as Gary was, I would have Cheerios embedded in my nasal cavity.